If this is love, why does it break me down?

You came very suddenly. I’m happy anyway. And we are close again, as before that was ever delayed. To be honest, I feel comfortable with our talks. You said that you will always waiting for me. The problem is, I’m still afraid to make my door wide open. Fear to do wrong. I don’t want to be reckless and make many people blame our decision.

Funny. And yet you still have someone in your heart at that time. Though you said your relationship was on the edge, but come on, she still  your love. Do not assume that something real is not real. 

A few days later, that relationship that was on the edge is really over. You said because you’re tired of fighting. Well I try to understand.

Your relationship was over. And after that I know that you want me. You know what? I have really thought to accept you and trying to face all my fears. But, in the end, I couldn’t see you as a person that waiting for me. But as a person who was putting me down as an option that is not the only one.

Eventhough I was ever truely believe you. But someone like you, I don’t want it. Your treatment, your attention, your words, it’s not just me who accepts something like that right? There’s someone else you treat the same. It means you are not serious. Have you ever serious? And I don’t like things that are not serious.

Where do I know? It doesn’t matter. The way I get that information is really a magical coincidence. I know. I do know what you are talking about with someone else besides me. And everything is almost exactly the same. It makes me feel that I’m never very special for you.

After I was indifferent (because my heart has been destroyed silently), now you have a new relationship. Its oke. I’m not sorry at all. Not disappointed. For sure.

You said “when you pull the trigger and release it, soon the bullets shot away too. Nothing wrong. That’s a rifle.”

So you think yourself as a rifle? Because I never know that you are a rifle. I used to know you were a gentleman with a rifle. That gentleman, it was not you. You are just the rifle. And it’s not me who pulls the trigger, babe. It was you who are releasing your bullet and kill me right in my heart.